2-7-11

Tuesday: I think that my goodbye to Orellana was the most emotionless out of all my comps. Even when I said goodbye to that jerk, Argueta, I felt something--even if it wasn`t exactly Christlike. But Orellana and I just didn`t really bond. We joked, but didn`t ever really get to know each other. But I learned how to be more generous from him. He was always selfless. Always shared with others. But I`m still pretty shy. But from what I`ve seen of my new comp, MOntoya, I think that problem will be solved presently. He just goes up to people and starts talking to them and punching them in the arm like they were old friends. While I was waiting for him to arrive at the terminal, I had a great time chatting with the other elders. I knew all of the names and they knew me. I spent a good amount of time talking with Hna. Barillas. She`s from San Diego, and is so chill. It made me realize that I missed english. You can play with it in a way that you can`t in Spanish. Words like "sammich" for example. Elder Montoya and I will get along really well, I think. He`s excited to work, and I won`t be the one to dwell on past weeks of failure. We`ll do awesome! We started by getting home on time. Something Orellana was hesitant to do. Let`s here it for sleep!

Wednesday: Today kind of sucked at the beginning. I mean it was BAD. We got off of the bus from Tirùa at cañete for our Distrizona meeting. I wanted to go to the supermarket and get something quick to eat. WE turned down a little side street so we wouldn`t have to deal with common way traffic. It was still early, and there was actually only one old guy on the street. We walked past him, and were almost back in to the crowd when something tugged my , turning me around, and I felt cold steel on my neck. The old fart had pulled a knife on me, and I didn`t even see it coming! My first thought was "I got out done by an old man!" my second was, "What can I do to make that not happen?" He answered that by pulling my wallet out. He pulled everything out and threw all my cards and ID`s on the ground, thank goodness. But he took about $50 and my last american dollar. Darn him! If he had the Gospel, he wouldn`t act like that. But, for being in Tirpua, we get double the monthly amount to compensate for travels. Still...what a jerk. Elder Derek Heiser is totally awesome & funny. He goes hom eafter this transfer, but says we`ll hang out afterwards. I shoed montoya around Tirùa, introducing him to some members. We`re going to get a new ward list, and reactivate people. We taught luis again. He was weird. He seemed to have forgotten what we`ve taught. He was like, "I`ve already been baptized." So we taught about authority and he`ll come to church this sunday.

Thursday: I was really depressed today. I won`t say that it was Elder Montoya+s fault, but he certainly made a strong impact on me. He has a very negative attitude. I think the thing that hit and hurt me most was him voicing the doubts that had been whispering to me about Tirùa. He murmured about the leaders, saying they didn`t need to check so often and that he knew better. When I tried to brainstorm of ways to help Josè Luis change from being gay, he said it didn`t matter, as long as he has the required amount of church attendance required for a baptism. We talked with an old, inactive sister. Montoya spoke so friendly and happily, but afterward said it was a waste of time because she`+d probably forget in ten minutes. Then, later, he said this was a horrible sector. That was all before lunch. It literally made me sick, `cause I wanted to go too. It`s so hard to face failure so often. All the Olivares noticed I was down. Montoya told me to suck it up. When we left, he said, "I hate this too, but you`ve got to pretend you like it." I can`t do that yet. I can`t act out lies like he can. I WON`T act false. The visiting Olivares family members would tell jokes and then laugh and point at me, thinking I hadn`t just heard and understood. Like I was stupid. I took some ibuprofen and felt better. We contacted and visited members. We`re going to try and baptize Rosendo`s mom this transfer. Maybelline`s back from the youth camp. Tomorrow, we`ll ask how it went.

Friday: Today, our work started at 8. We were asked, last night, to come by and bless a member`s truck with strength. Personally I that that one was a bit odd. This member is the sister of Hna. Olivares. As we were heading out after the blessing, Hna. Olivares and her husband came in, and invited us to their country home. I was about to say no, when my comp. said yes. He explained Maybelline`s parents would be there, and it would be a good chance to gain trust so they`d be more likely to give permission for Maybelline to be baptized. It was beautiful up there. We had meat, potatoes, and watermelons for lunch. We came back and showered and went to visit members. That`s where trouble hit. My comp. yelled at me after every visit. They were little things, and he would lecture me, just like stinkin` Argueta did. He introduced a scripture and had me read it. So I did. When we left, he said I was stupid for not explaining HIS scripture. We visited Hna. Maritza. He didn`t know her, and accidentally called her sister "Maritza." Then he yelled at me for not saying "Hi" before hm. I felt sad, like I did back with Argueta, but then felt anger. I`ve come a long way. He yelled at me for being quiet and shy. he talks 100 mph and I CAN`T talk. This guy`s such a jerk. I don`t know if it`s pride or not, to think that. I will be humble enough to accept his advice and I`ll be tacheable, but I won`t have him talk to me, or complain about me, like that again.

Saturday: Good things and bad things happened today. But such is life. Today, we started with an activity with the youth. I prepjared a few object lessons about prayer. After that, Elder Montoya played ping pong while I spoke with Maybelline. I was like, "have you spoken with your parents about your baptism yet?" She sat down and sighed. That couldn`t be good. She said she dind`t feel like now was the time. My mind went, "FLOOOOOONK." I asked what was stopping her. I still don`t remember her answer. I know she`s felt the spirit. But I didn`t want to bully her like SOME people would have. Before lunch, I spoke with Felipe, one of the visiting cousins. Yesterday, in the country, he said if we got in the river, he`d let us baptize him. He`s 15. We didn`t, but today he asked me about the church. He said he`s seriously coinsidering baptism now. I wrote him and Maybelline powerful testimony letters. We ran into Maybelline in the street. She had read the letter already and felt pressured. I felt bad and almost apologized, but testified agian. We had spoken with her father beforehand, and he`d sign the permission slip if she asked him to. I mentioned this, and I saw her "light up" a little bit. Oh, I hope I did okay today. I`ve felt happy and satisfied lately. Like I`m alright again. But I had a breakthrough with Montoya! He was complaining about contacts and saying Tirùa didn`t deserve missionaries and a chapel. And I realized something. He was nervous about his calling as a branch president. It was out of accord with what he was saying, but it just popped into my mind. I mentioned it, and the poor guy started crying. I comforted him for a bit, and we went out to work. He started complaining more and I smiled. I suddenly understood him. Sure, he voiced some of the same arguments that had fluttered through my thoughts at one time or another, but the more he complained, the happier I got. In him, I saw what I would have become if I had fallen into those feelings of weakness and loathing--and I saw what I wasn`t, what I had chosen not to do. I felt Heavenly Father`s love in my heart and I knew I had done right by him. I also found out that Cesar, on of my converts, is passing the Sacrament now. Because of my insight to Elder Montoya, I found a peace. Where ideas had come about requesting a new comp and not doing it becuase I thought this would be a test for me. But I see now that MOntoya needs me in this difficult tim efor him. I also learned that people see me differently that I see myself. I gained an amount of MOntoya`s respect and when I told him to stop, he did. Likewise, while Maybelline sees me as a friend sometimes, if I say something abou the Gospel, it becomes law. With those kinds of reactions, I can start to have the confidence they see me have. It`s a surreal experience.

Sunday: Today, I fasted for Maybelline, and that she would have a desire to be baptized. I think it was thanks to that, that we had a really powerful testimony meeting, which is saying something considering it was us two and the Olivares parents talking and no one else. Hna. Olivares was rally powerful as she talked about everlasting happiness. How is that possible if bad things don`t happen after death? Our suffering for a small amount in this life is to create the memory and experience of sorrow so that we can compare our perpetual happiness to it. More suffering won`t be necessary. After lunch, we got a hold of Maybelline with Hna. Olivares and talked. We did find out that she had been a little weirded out by the lessons at first, but is now comfortable. She said she wanted to be baptized (answer to fast) but not now. I`m a nonconventional Elder, not very solemn. But I think jmy way of teaching made her more willing to trust. I just can`t help but be amazed that I came to little Tirùa the same time that she came for vacations. Also, Felipe wants to get baptized, too. He`s such a funny kid. He shakes my hand really strong while watching his little arm flex. But he`s smart and sensitive and I think I made an impact on the little guy. He wrote me a goodbye letter (`cause he goes home tomorrow) and told me that he`d never forget me. We`d talk about nerdy stuff, and he`d help me give pokemon advice to lehi as he played his game (don`t ask). I am like his big brother. I like feeling loved again.

Monday: I woke up today to have Elder MOntoya tell me that I snore horribly--something I didn`t do before the mission. We went to lunch and spoke with Maybelline about prophets. Hna. Olivares came over and asked what Maybelline thought of the blessings of the Gospel. She said that they were really obvious when she had first arrived. Jason had walked right up to her and gave her a hug. She said that kind of thing doesn`t happen in her home. Her dad smells like cigarette and alcohol when I`m near him. I though of my family and how loving tehy are. Heck, all of the families back home are like that. Chile is a place of noncommitment and enjoying the moment. People don`t get married. They live together until they get bored of each other, then move onto the next one and the next one, forever. Never a sense of fulfillment--of completion. Why WOULD that feel right: making a permanent decision. If we`re to progress and change, that inconsistancy would be necessary. But our Spirit`s either have the inate desire to complete that commandoment or something else I don`t even know. But to have an Eternal companion just feels...right. To feel accepted, to have a witness to your life, someone to hold, someone to give advice and counsel. hmmmmm...who do these things describe? Anyway, we went to the beach today. We found, like, five dead penguins! But my camera battereies died so I dind`t get any pics. We had a lot of appointments fall through, so we did contacts. Elder Montoya`s depressed, but I`m doing okay.