June 7, 2010

I love feeling the Spirit so strongly. I get out of church at the same time as you, and my residence is the closest to the parking lot in the SE corner. I saw you in the kitchen the other night. One of the most intimate experiences so far is....actually, I have several. One of the first Sundays, I had a really tough time knowing what the Lord wanted me to be, and what I needed to change to become a better tool in His hand, like my Patriarchal Blessing directs. In order to know what I was to become, I had a strong impression to realize who I was already. I decided the best way to accomplish this, was to write out a list of qualities that constitute my character. As the ink from my pen flowed, I realized that I was actually quite a wonderful person. A powerful sense of peace settled over me, and calmed one of my longest-lasting fears. I've sort of felt like I wasn't good enough for anyone, family or otherwise. This experience gave me a confidence and peace of self that I had never before had. The other experience happened yesterday. We were in Branch council, which is a meeting where all the District and zone leaders meet together with the Branch Presidency and report how our district was doing. Okay, I guess I've had three experiences. The heretofore unmentioned event was on Saturday night, where I gained a more sure knowledge of God's love for me. I'll have to tell you that too, I guess.
On Saturday night, at the end of class, our teacher gave us 30 minutes to do a personal study with a specific question in mind. I wanted to feel the love of God more in my life, or to have a more sure knowledge of His love. I eagerly dove into Mosiah 23, where I had been in my personal study. In verse 7, I found an answer, but not the one I had been looking for. It told me not to "rise one flesh above another." In other words, not to compare myself to others, which I have done. Our teacher ended the study session, and I was very dismayed, not to have received my answer. Our teacher said, "I hope you all have felt the Spirit as I have." I thought to myself, "I guess I got an answer." I noticed his eyes filling with tears as my own vision began to swim. His next words touched my heart as he said, " I know that God loves you, and knows who you are." I mean, come ON! That was so amazing! Heavenly Father heard my silent pleas for an answer. It wasn't necessary or a big deal, because I had already felt His love before. This impact was not diminished in the least, because of that. I know Heavenly Father hears our prayers, and loves to answer our cries for help, no matter how insignificant. I know we can receive these blessings if we are willing to accept them in the lord's time.
Back, to yesterday's spiritual experience in Branch Council. I reported that my District was overflowing with unity and love. As I was going on (ranting, really) about how much I loved my district, Bro. Robinson (1st counselor in the Presidency) raised his hand to stop me. He faced the other leaders and said, "Did you know Elder Merrell has a unique acuity to the loving mood of the Spirit, and is very talented at inviting it into any situation." Over the past few weeks, during our interviews, Bro. Robinson and I have tried to find a talent or gift that God has given me that I could focus on. After he made this startling declaration, he turned back to me with his piercing bule eyes (he looks like a chubby Dumbledor), and smiled triumphantly as he had finally found my talent. I was suddenly reminded of all the times "love" and "helping" others had been mentioned in my Patriarchal Blessing. Continuing on with unbelievable accuracy, not letting my mind stop being boggled, he asked, "How much of your Patriarchal Blessing says that?" I told him, quite a lot, and he looked rather smug. Later in Sacrament meeting, he got up to bear his testimony. He taught an analogy describing the random stitches on one side of a quilt, and the orderly design on the finished side. He told us that although everything may be hectic and like happenstance, Heavenly Father has divine potential for all of us to receive. I know that everything I'm thinking, and being prompted to do will guide me closer to Heavenly Father's design for me. He might even be preparing for my eternal companion. Who knows? Maybe I've already met her? Nah! haha. Yeah, this has been an account of my spiritual experiences so far. I hope that they have been able to let your testimony grow. My new favorite missionary scripture is Proverbs 25:25.